Dr. H. Truths
A few simple truths that have shaped the way I understand people—and may change the way you see yourself and others, too.
Over the years, families, educators, colleagues, and clients have often told me, “I've never thought about it that way before.”
That is one of my favorite compliments.
These aren't complicated theories. They're simple ideas that have emerged from decades of listening, evaluating, teaching, learning, and trying to understand why we do what we do. Some are about children. Some are about parenting. Others are about learning, relationships, resilience, work, and simply being human.
And the list keeps growing.
I hope they make you pause, get curious, and perhaps see something—or someone—a little differently.
Understanding changes everything.
Understanding changes how we respond—to ourselves, to one another, and to the problems in front of us. When we understand why something is happening, we ask better questions, make better decisions, and find more effective ways forward.
Behavior is communication.
Children's behavior always tells us something.
Rather than asking, "How do I stop this?" begin by asking,"What is this behavior trying to communicate?"
When we understand the message, we are far more likely to solve the problem.
There is always more to the story.
What we see from the outside is only part of what is happening. Behavior, achievement, avoidance, success, failure—even confidence—can look very different from the story underneath.
Stay curious long enough to find out more.
Support the Control Tower, not just the behavior.
Behavior is what we see.
The Control Tower is where lasting change begins.
Rather than focusing only on stopping behaviors, help strengthen the executive functioning skills that make those behaviors easier to manage.
It's always now.
One of the simplest ways I describe a common feature of ADHD is this: It's always now.
Children with ADHD often experience the present much more vividly than the future.
Tomorrow feels distant.
Deadlines feel abstract.
Five minutes can disappear—or last forever.
When we understand this, we stop assuming children are choosing to ignore time and begin helping them make time visible.
Knowing isn't the same as doing.
Knowing what needs to happen and being able to make it happen are two different things.
We can know we need to start, stop, remember, organize, plan, or follow through—and still struggle to do it.
The space between intention and action is where executive functioning does much of its work.
See the child before the diagnosis.
Diagnoses help us understand how a child's brain works, but they should never become a child's identity.
Every child has unique strengths, interests, gifts, and ways of thinking that deserve to be recognized alongside their challenges.
When we see the child first, we ask better questions, build on strengths, and create supports that honor who they are—not just the diagnosis they carry.
Every Control Tower is under construction.
No child's brain is fully developed.
Some Control Towers simply need more time, more practice, or more support than others.
Development isn't a race.
It's a journey.
Your way isn't the only right way.
What feels logical, obvious, or efficient to you may not feel that way to someone else.
We organize information, solve problems, make decisions, and find our way forward differently.
Understanding those differences makes it easier to work—and live—together.
Curiosity opens doors that criticism closes.
Curiosity sounds like "I wonder what's making this hard?"
Criticism sounds like "Why are you doing this again?"
One creates connection.
The other creates defensiveness.
Progress over perfection.
Children grow through practice—not pressure.
Small improvements, repeated consistently over time, create remarkable change.
Celebrate progress!
Perfection isn't the goal.
Children do better when they understand themselves.
One of the greatest gifts we can give children is language to describe their own brains.
When children understand how they think, they become more confident, more resilient, and more willing to use the tools that help them succeed.
Make the environment part of the solution.
Instead of expecting ourselves—or someone else—to do all the work, ask:
“What can we change around us to make success easier?”
Visual schedules.
Checklists.
Timers and reminders.
Routines.
Calendars.
Designated places for important things.
External brains and external clocks.
The best systems don't simply ask us to remember more, try harder, or be more organized.
They put some of the work into the world around us.
The environment can become a powerful partner for the Control Tower—at any age.
Every clue counts.
Children rarely struggle for just one reason.
Each behavior, emotion, strength, and challenge offers another clue.
When we put the clues together, we begin to see the whole child.
Every child wants to succeed.
When we replace judgment with understanding, criticism with curiosity, and frustration with practical support, children begin to see themselves differently.
And when children understand themselves...
everything begins to change.
The Biggest Truth
Understanding changes everything.
Understanding doesn't mean we have all the answers. It means we're asking better questions. It helps us look beyond what we see on the surface and makes room for strengths and struggles to exist together.
It reminds us that different minds work differently, that behavior has a story, and that what looks like a lack of effort may be something else entirely.
Understanding changes how we respond—to children, to one another, and even to ourselves.
We don't have to understand everything.
But understanding more almost always gives us a better place to begin.